Wednesday, January 6, 2010

What's Your Role?

When such topics arise I often desire more male readers...lol
This morning I was listening to the radio (Power 105- don't judge me lol) I normally don't tune into this station but the topic caught my attention.
They started talking about relationships and the role that a woman should play in a relationship. Things have changed and many women today whether they like it or not have to work to support themselves. Certainly some women LOVE their jobs and they embrace working outside of the home, however I do recognize that not all women share this passion, but I digress. A guy called into the station and said the reason why many educated women are single is because they don't take care of the home anymore. He said that we have moved away from the cooking that we used to do back in the day. The female radio host gave him a brief snippet of her day just to detail the hours she works and how tired she is at times. She said although she loves to cook she is sometimes just too pooped. When Malika, the female host, suggested the gentleman pick up a pot or pan on occasion you would think she had asked each living man to shoot himself in the foot.
The same male caller, let's call him caller #1, continued with this:
Male caller #1- Women need to take care of the home it is their responsibility in the relationship. I am college educated and I work too so I am tired as well, but she needs to handle the household duties. (his comment was something like that..lol)
Malika- The women that cooked all the time and did everything were very often able to do it all because they didn't have to work outside of the home. Why can't men today help with the cooking etc.
Male Caller #1- Because we have our own role in the household and it's not cooking etc.
Malika- Well then if our role in this day and age in this economy is to cook, clean and take care of the kids and financially contribute to the household please tell me what is the role of the man?
Male caller #1-We have our things to do like taking care of "KNICK KNACKS"
ME- yes ladies and gents the caller said KNICK KNACKS...lol
Malika- WHAT?
Ed Lover- We take out the trash, put doors up and fix things.
Male caller #2-"Women need to get back to "popping string beans instead of opening canned foods. "
Male caller #3- " Yall too much wit DAT education" - I won't even touch his comment..lol
Female caller- Maybe I don't have knick knacks that need to be fixed so maybe I need help with the cooking, or the kids- it's a partnership. We need to do whatever we need to do to make that relationship and the household work. If you are the man and you get home first start cooking, just like I will start cooking if I get home first.
Ed Lover- I dont know what kind of man would do that, I get home at 3 every day and I'm not cooking. I cook on occasion, a man can help sometimes but really that's on the woman.
Male caller #4-"Malika is showing you what's wrong, these educated women today are too combative too argumentative."
Malika says sarcastically oh ok "no back talk" lol
I was giving this whole conversation the side eye but what is the role of the man and woman in your opinion?
(My product related post for today is below)

9 comments:

Lee said...

It is really amusing to me when these dudes expect an "old school" woman who will do all the work, but they are not old school men who pay all the bills. They forgot how those women didn't have to work too. I have no problem with traditionalism, but be even about it. I don't think its too much to ask for a brother to help out around the house. But I do think that women should also cook for their men sometimes. If the woman is at home, I think she should make a meal. But brothas also need to step up their game. Those guys just sound a bit trife. (including Ed Lover.)

Therapeutic Musings said...

Their opinion's are interesting. In my marriage, I do the cooking and grocery shopping. In all honesty, I am a much better cook than he is, and I don't mind the grocery shopping. There have been times when I've gotten fed up that I have to do all the cooking and I stop for a while, but he doesn't look at me and demand I get back in the kitchen and prepare him food. Honestly, I don't like when he cooks for me. He likes to experiment too much and makes some nasty stuff (italian sausage and refried bean quesadilla's anyone?) most of the time. I think this just depends on the couple. If he gets home first, all I ask is that he washes the dang dishes so I can have a clean space to cook. I take care of the food, he takes care of garbage and cars- everything else is fair game. He does the laundry a lot more than I do (hey, if you run out of underwear, that's on you, I have enough to last 2 months- trust) I clean the tub more than he does, it really isn't that serious. It all boils down to making sure there is balance in a relationship and that both people are happy and helping each other.
Matter of fact, I'm about to get you some male opinions, I'll be back.

Chai said...

dear me...maybe all woman should just drop out of school...better yet never attend! WTH?! From the getgo, marriage, any relationship is about partnership! If you let that fall by the wayside you have ignorant joe's like these calling into Ed Lover of all ppl. to bemoan and find fault in the fact that THEY couldn't or are not willing to step up to the plate and contribute to a fair/shared household!

Again...WTH! A bunch of boys refusing to become men...*smh

Therapeutic Musings said...

I asked 3 guys, they all said it's not a woman's "job" to cook/clean the house.

When I asked if they honestly expected their wives to cook when they got married, the answer was yes. Two of the guys I asked were single, one wouldn't marry a woman that couldn't cook, one would. The one that wouldn't marry a woman that couldn't cook is 27, lives with his parents, and his mommy fixes his lunch for him (and bakes treats for the office) so it's safe to say he expects his wife to do the same.

scentualsoundtracks said...

I've been married for three and a half years and what I'm found so far is that 1) there are seasons in a marriage, and 2) people should play to their strengths. As an academic, I have a full time job outside of the home whereas my husband is an independent consultant. I would say that he does most of the cooking and basic cleaning around the house because his schedule allows it, while when I took I make more elaborate dishes and when I clean I do the more intensive work. We think this is a nice trad eoff, and where people get it wrong, I think, is to apply a one size fits all, generic model to be to every relationship, regardless of the situation. I think people should ask themselves, 1) what will work for us right now (because things will change according to the "season" in a relationship), and 2) what am I good at, and what can I improve on to make our household run more smoothly? The key to any successful and happy marriage is flexibility, selfless giving and understanding. These three things will take any marriage or relationship very far.

scentualsoundtracks said...

**Sorry, there were a few typos, here's the corrected version:

I've been married for three and a half years and what I've found so far is that 1) there are seasons in a marriage, and 2) people should play to their strengths. As an academic, I have a full time job outside of the home whereas my husband is an independent consultant. I would say that he does most of the cooking and basic cleaning around the house because his schedule allows it, while when I cook I make more elaborate dishes and when I clean I do the more intensive work. We think this is a nice trade off, and where people get it wrong, I think, is to apply a one size fits all, generic model to every relationship, regardless of the situation. I think people should ask themselves, 1) what will work for us right now (because things will change according to the "season" in a relationship), and 2) what am I good at, and what can I improve on to make our household run more smoothly? The key to any successful and happy marriage is flexibility, selfless giving and understanding. These three things will take any marriage or relationship very far.

John said...

Who does what in around the house is up to the people in the relationship.

As a man, I've never expected a woman to cook for me. I'm not a child, I know how to eat and to cook. I love to eat, in fact, which lead to my love of cooking.

My wife cooks sometimes, but I do most of the cooking for her and my two daughters. I'm proud to contribute to the family this way. We both work and she makes huge domestic contributions by watching the kids more than I do and also paying the bills with me. It's a partnership, and it works.

I blog about cooking for my family at www.stayatstovedad.com. I'm looking for other fathers who do the cooking. Please get in touch with me if you know of any. There's an email button on my blog.

Product Junkie Diva said...

Lee, I totally agree! There was a time when paying the bills was considered by some to be the main responsibility for men. Today that responsibility is basically split in half as the wife also works to contribute financially to the household, but she is somehow out of line in the eyes of some men, for expecting a little help in return....smh
TM It sounds like you both have a great arrangement. Thanks for rounding up that feedback from other men. Yes I agree that the gentleman whose mom is packing his lunch will likely expect a woman who cooks..lol
Chai...lol yes I know for a certainty that an educated woman is a problem for some men..what a shame.
scentual soundtracks- thanks for sharing your experience. It sounds like a very balance union. It is all about making it work for each couple...
JOhn- I'm coming over for dinner..thanks..lol. I will tell them about your blog.
Thank you all for sharing
PJD

Phyllis Bourne said...

I do all of the cooking and laundry. My dh doesn't even know how to turn on our stove or washing machine. He calls the hamper the "magic machine" cause he tosses his dirty clothes in and like "magic" gets 'em back clean.

However, he does the majority of the cleaning. The other day he pulled up photos of a broom, mop and vacuum cleaner on Google images. He said, "So at least you know what they look like."

I cracked the hell up.